i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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