Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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