Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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