who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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