I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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