What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
