He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
