Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
