all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize