Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
