Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
