I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
