I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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