it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
