I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
