my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
