I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
