Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
