I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
sarcasm needs its own font
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
