i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
