please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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