i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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