Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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