is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize