a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
