so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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