Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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