My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
