she was so not down for the gang bang
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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