is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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