I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
