Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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