At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
