Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
