if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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