do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
