Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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