I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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