My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
