Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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