hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
