I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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