i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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