don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
