She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
