Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Blood and glitter go together right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
