Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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