nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
3pm strippers are depressing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
