I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
