i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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