According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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