Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
