i wish there were pregnant emoticons
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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