I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
