420 ftw
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize