Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
