My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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