I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
