he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
