It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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