Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
