I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
