Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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