First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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