Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Acid is not a monday night drug
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
