I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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