you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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