Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
