I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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