So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He kissed a someone with a penis
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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