No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
