My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
