some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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