Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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