i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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