I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
